Sky Sharks

Few low budget creature features made this century have enjoyed quite as much advance excitement among fans as Sky Sharks, which had the honour of opening this year's Frightfest. It seemed to have all the right ingredients for a trash cinema sensation. With a secret Nazi cult trying to take over the world using genetically engineered flying sharks, how can you go wrong? Alas, quite easily, it seems.

Perhaps due to its dependence on fundraising from fans, Sky Sharks feels like a film made by committee - and not a very well disciplined committee at that. It's all over the place; rather than a coherent story, it's basically a series of gags and sketch ideas strung together in amateur fashion, giving viewers absolutely no reason to care about what's happening. There's no character development to speak of and the acting is atrocious, but not in a fun, hammy way - more in a TV movie of the week way. Perhaps most disappointingly of all, we really don't see much of the sharks.

To an extent, Sky Sharks is a victim of events. In the several years since it entered development, we've been treated to an ever-increasing volume of sharksploitation, and aside from its central hook it just doesn't have anything new. Indeed, even when it has its sharks chew on planes it's walking badly in the platform shoes of 2010's Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus. The special effects give it the look of a lazily made Nineties computer game. Whilst this wouldn't be a problem - and might even be endearing - if the rest of what we got was punchy and fun, when they make up 50% of the film, the result is just boring.

One thing you can do if you're bored watching this film is to play a little game, working out how many seconds you can count until you see another pair of tits. Whilst I am as much a fan of attractive breasts as the next person, if I put on a film about sharks, I want to see sharks, damnit! There's no shortage of breasts to look at on the internet and what's more, the average amateur porn film has more plot than this. The breasts here don't add to the kitsch factor - they're just a lazy distraction.

When even the Nazis fail to achieve either camp or nastiness (let alone both), falling short even of the pitiful Iron Sky: The Coming Race, it's clear that the film is in trouble. It does, however, have two saving graces. There's an in-film computer game that's silly enough to be genuinely amusing, suggesting that that's where director Marc Fehse's talents really lie, and there's a stonking soundtrack. For the most part, the best way to enjoy Sky Sharks is to try to mentally tune out the dialogue and avoid looking at the screen.